Viper Venom

 

I'm sure you are all like "why the heck did she title this post Viper Venom" or "this is weird" and I can assure you that yes, this is weird.

 

I got a random call from my reproductive endocrinologist (read: fertility doc) on Saturday. He was calling with 'good news'. Some of my recent bloodwork indicates that I am positive for lupus anticoagulants. He is referring me to a hematologist for further investigation, but he seems pretty convinced my last miscarriage is a result of this issue and is positive that with treatment our pregnancy woes could finally be solved.

 

This is certainly good news but as I have learned, with every good comes some bad.

 

Bad #1 is that the hematologists (read: blood docs) in this town are busy people and getting an appointment can take a while. Great. More waiting, more testing, more uncertainty.

Awesome.

 

Bad #2 is that I googled Lupus Anticoagulant treatment. It involves daily injections of Heparin.

Fuck me.  

 

I bet you are still wondering about why the post name is Viper Venom.

To test for 'lupus anticoagulant', the lab actually mixes your blood with viper venom.

Legit viper venom.

See, I told you this was weird.

 

What is lupus anticoagulant?

Long story short, it causes your blood to over clot.

In terms of pregnancy, tiny clots block the placenta from attaching to the uterine wall which causes miscarriages.

 

WTF.

Seriously, WTF.

 

I had a good long cry about it last night.

Then I woke up today and decided there is no point in being sad about it.

Instead of focusing on the negatives in this situation, I should really be grateful for the positives.

 

Positive #1 - I'm lucky we've discovered this clotting issue and avoided scary things like strokes.

 

Positive #2 - I stand a really good chance of having a successful pregnancy with treatment, even if said treatment means I have to give myself needles every day.

 

Positive #3 - Wine makes waiting for a hematology consult a whole lot better.

 

Actually,wine makes everything a whole lot better.

 

 

The Worst Week of my Life

Ok here goes...

I was pregnant up until two Sundays ago. We were almost at the 'telling the world' stage until it all fell apart. 

It was a beautiful Saturday and I was feeling pretty good. 11.5 weeks pregnant and enjoying a day in Montreal with my sister and sister-in-law. I bought a cute little hat from Baby Gap,  and I looked for clothes for the body I anticipated to swell and grow as my little baby did. 

That night, after returning home from Montreal, I headed to my friend's ranch party. I met Simon and Quinn there as they had gone earlier in the day. It was a great day until I went to the washroom and saw blood. It wasn't a lot, but having gone through three other miscarriages, I knew this meant something was wrong. Simon kept assuring me spotting was normal and not to worry. But I knew. I knew this was going to end badly. 

And I was right. That night I woke up covered in blood. And it just kept coming. We called my parents at 3am to watch Quinn and went to the hospital. I was taken in right away and hooked up to an i.v. I ended up losing quite a lot of blood and at one point blacked out in the washroom and collapsed. 

The next morning I was taken to day surgery and had a D&C (dilation and curettage) which is a procedure to remove everything from the uterus. Everything went well, according to the doctors and nurses so I was sent home. Later that day I began to feel sick and feverish. By the time we went to bed my fever was pretty high so we called my parents again to care for Quinn so we could go to the hospital. 

This time we waited for five hours to be seen by a doctor, who didn't seem too worried about me even though I couldn't break the fever. We stayed at the hospital for almost twelve hours while I was hooked up to i.v. and antibiotics. The doctor suspected I had a bladder infection, so he prescribed me some antibiotics and sent me home. But by the time I got home, I was feeling worse than ever. I couldn't stop shaking and my temperature just kept rising. Simon went out to get my prescription filled and I decided to take a cool shower to try and break the fever. By the time Simon got home I was almost delirious with fever. I checked my temperature and it was 103.7. I told Simon to call an ambulance because I knew I was in trouble. Apparently at a fever of 104.5, internal organs start to shut down so I knew I needed help, fast. 

Fifteen minutes later, the ambulance arrived and we were on our way to the hospital again. I have never been so scared in my whole life. I remember thinking about dying and how I wanted so badly to live. I remember thinking about Quinn and how I was hell bent on making sure I was around to watch her grow and live her life. 

We arrived at the hospital and I was taken to observation right away. The doctor who had performed the d&c came to see me and was shocked at how sick I had gotten in such a short period of time. After several blood tests and cultures, they discovered that I had group A strep in my bloodstream. Just take a moment now to google that term. It will scare the pants off you, I guarantee. Essentially, I had a bloodstream infection, most likely contracted during surgery and things were looking pretty dicey. 

I stayed in observation for a while that night and then was admitted to the hospital. The first room I was assigned was a semi-private in the Mother/Baby unit. Seriously, how cruel is that? I had just lost my baby and had to lie there listening to all the freshly born babes crying. WTF? Needless to say we put up a stink and ended up being moved to a private room on another floor. 

I staying there from Monday to Friday last week and am I ever glad to be out of there. I'm home now but am hooked up to an i.v. pump that administers my antibiotics every eight hours. Every day I have to go to a clinic to have my i.v. antibiotics bag changed. Its a pain in the butt, but I only have another week of treatment. On the plus side, I get to carry around this sweet fanny pack...

I still can't believe all this happened. Thinking about the events of the past week, it just seems so surreal. As sad as it may sound, I find it hard to grieve the baby we lost because I am just so damn grateful to be alive. I am happy to be home, sleeping in my own bed beside my husband and not alone in a gross hospital room. I am happy to be be with my baby girl, watching her play and sing instead of being entertained with needles and blood pressure checks from the nurses. Bottom line I am just so happy to be here and so happy to have such an amazing family and awesome friends who love and support us. 

Pangs of sadness come and go, but overall I'm feeling just so grateful for the life I have. I know one day we'll be blessed with another baby, but I guess right now just wasn't our time. Right now I'm focusing on getting better and staying positive. 

Good things happen to those who wait, right? 

xo, Vicky 

Hypothyroid

It’s been a while since I posted and I really don’t have an excuse other than to say that life is good and I’ve been busy. Summer has finally started showing its face and we’ve been busy enjoying time outside in the sun. We also had a little road trip to Toronto this past weekend to visit family and had such a great time catching up and watching our kiddos play.
 

Anyways, I thought I’d catch you up on our, dare I say adventure, to having baby #2. Way back at the beginning of April, I had my hysterosonogram appointment and it went well. The procedure took all of one minute and in a lucky twist of fate, my doctor just happened to be on call to do it. When he had finished up, he asked when my follow-up appointment to review all the test results had been scheduled and I replied that it wasn’t until May. He then told me I was his last appointment of the day and that he’d review our results and give me a preliminary report right then and there. Score! As he was looking over our blood work results, he suddenly stopped and said, “I think I have good news for you. It looks like your problem may be your thyroid.” I knew my thyroid had been off before but I didn’t think it was ‘the’ reason I couldn’t maintain a pregnancy. The ‘normal’ range for TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) is between .03 and 3. Mine is 8. The higher the TSH, the lower your thyroid is. Confusing, right? Let me take a moment to explain.

 

Hypothyroidism is a condition when your thyroid gland doesn’t produce enough thyroid hormones. The pituitary gland produces a hormone called TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) that signals your thyroid gland to produce T3 and T4 hormones. When your body isn’t getting the necessary T3 and T4 hormones the pituitary gland needs to sends out high amounts of TSH to stimulate the thyroid gland. Clear as mud? During pregnancy, the embryo/fetus relies solely on the mother for thyroid hormones so the mother’s body needs to produce more than the usual amount of hormones to supply both herself and her baby. Women who have hypothyroidism and become pregnant run the risk of miscarriage, preterm labour, pre-eclampsia and birth defects. Yikes. 

 

My doctor suspects that my miscarriages were likely due to low thyroid and he wrote me a prescription for Synthroid 0.75mg. I’ll have my thyroid retested at my follow-up appointment to see if my thyroid is regulated at that dose of if it needs to be readjusted. I will need to take thyroid hormone replacement for the rest of my life. It’s not really a big deal; just one tiny blue pill every morning. I don’t want to get my hopes up but I can’t help but be excited for my follow-up on May 14^th. Mentally I’m ready to try again I just hope my body is physically ready too. 

 

While I try to stay positive about the whole thing, I find myself sometimes thinking ‘what if’. What if I hadn’t miscarried back in September? I would be getting ready to meet my new baby. I would be feeling my baby’s kicks. I would be folding tiny sleepers and packing my hospital bag. I know I shouldn’t live in a world of what ifs; that in the grand scheme of things it wasn’t my time for another baby, but I can’t help that my mind slips there from time to time. My doctor assures me that I’ll have another baby and that he’ll find a solution. I’m hopeful he will but in the meantime I’ll enjoy the baby I have; my sweet, mischievous, independent and lovely baby girl.

 

xo, Vicky

And so it begins...

Woah.
Our journey into the mysterious world of reproductive endocrinology has begun.

We had our first appointment with the fertility clinic today and it went well. The doctor we saw was sympathetic, informative and concise despite what ratemymd.com told us. He seemed genuinely interested in helping us and ordered a battery of tests for Simon and I. 

We both had a karyotype bloodtest today which will be sent off to the Children's Hospital for analysis. This test will determine if Simon or I are carriers of chromosonal abnormalities. Apparently the results for this test won't be back for 9 months (WTF). We could have paid $475 each to have our samples tested at a private lab but even if one of us had chromosonal issues there isn't much that could be done other than keep trying for a baby. Needless to say we went the free route on that one.

 We did however have to prepay $200 for a sperm analysis test. I nearly died laughing when the secretary told us the sperm collection date was booked for March 21st - Simon's birthday. If that isn't a birthday treat, I don't know what is! If you aren't aware of what I'm implying let's just say the appointment involves a room full of 'magazines' or possibly 'movies' and a cup. Poor guy.

Here's the rest of the game plan for my next cycle (next month):

Day 3-5

1) Baseline Ultrasound

2) Bloodtests for the following:

• Estradiol (estrogen produced by follicles)
• FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone - responsible for producing eggs)
• LH (Luteinizing Hormone - regulates menstrual cycle, triggers ovulation)
• Prolactin (associated with milk production, inhibits FSH and gonadatropic-releasing hormone - GnRH)
• TSH (Thryoid Stimulating Hormone)
• Testosterone
• DHEAS (steroid hormone produced by adrenal glands)

Day 6-12

1) Hysterosonogram  - a lovely ultrasound test that involves stirrups, speculums and catheters. Google it if you dare. Not looking forward to this procedure.

Day 21

1) Bloodtest to get progesterone levels

Bloodtests, stirrups, catheters, oh my!
xo, Vicky

My Strange Addiction

Eating couches. Yep, I am addicted to eating couches. 

 

Had you going right? Did anyone catch that episode of My Strange Addiction where someone was ‘legit’ addicted to eating their couch? The world is a strange, strange place.

While my addiction is far less weird than couch eating, it still has me wrapped around its little ceramic handle.

via

 Coffee. 

Warm, rich, delicious coffee. It is the first thing that pops into my mind when I wake up and I don’t feel ready to start my day without it. My morning drives to work are enjoyable thanks to my cup a joe and Saturday mornings are the best when the sun is shining through my bedroom window and I have a cup of steaming coffee in hand. 

Sounds pretty rad right? 

Well, according to my new baby bible caffeine is the devil and needs to be completely eliminated from my life. Annd a tiny piece of my soul just died. *sob

All dramatics aside, I have kicked my coffee addiction in the past. I managed to abstain from caffeine throughout my entire pregnancy with Quinn and well into her first year so she wasn’t chugging a bunch of caffeine via the boob. Once Quinn weaned herself off breast milk, I indulged in the occasional cup of coffee, but I really got back into when I returned to work. Everybody is slurping on the stuff at work and now I’m a full-out addict.  

 You may remember me blubbering last week about being sick. WELL, on Thursday I was in the throes of cough and cold hell AND was also struggling with this all-consuming headache. It didn’t matter what drugs I took, this headache would not go away. It wasn’t until later in the day that I realized where this mystery death-headache came from. I had been too lazy to have my morning cup of coffee which caused my body to go into full-on withdrawal hangover. It was awful and I was dying for relief so I had a coffee and low and behold I was miraculously healed.

It’s pretty scary to think coffee has this kind of effect on me. No wonder the bible says I need to get rid of it. Looks like I just need to devote a good day or two to a raging headache and hopefully that will be the end of it. So, I am officially giving myself an end date for caffeine. As of Monday, February 25th I will be caffeine free. Simon has no idea what he’s in for next weekend. Poor guy. 

Xo, Vicky

Finally Friday

Oh mannn am I ever glad to see Friday. This week has sucked. I had an ultrasound on Tuesday to confirm my latest miscarriage (fun times) and then I was crazy sick for the past two days and am still feeling like c.r.a.p.

 

One positive thing that happened this week was celebrating my Daddio's 55th birthday. We went to a local italian restaurant (Porto A Casa for any of you Barrhavenites) and indulged in some seriously tasty food.

 

Believe it or not this was the best picture I took of Quinn that night. It is becoming increasingly difficult to photograph this kid because she is CONSTANTLY moving around and generally being uncooperative.

 

 

But I still love her because just look at that face.

 

This weekend will be spent relaxing, recovering and keeping kiddo entertained. Oh and reading this book. I just ordered it and am looking forward to getting my body back on track.

I can't wait.

 

xo, Vicky

Lost in abbreviation?

This is what I look like when trying to read baby/pregnancy/infertility message boards.

Step One - Find an interesting board

Step Two - Try desperately to determine what BFP, OPK, CD mean

Step Three - Give up in a fit of rage

If you are anything like me, you know how difficult navigating your way through baby/pregnancy/infertility message boards can be. When I first started frequenting the boards, I could barely understand what these women were saying.
Why you might ask?

Let me give you an example:

"Hey, I'm joining the TWW. I got my first "smiley" on my Clear Blue digital OPK this afternoon. I'm right on time - CD 16. I will O tomorrow, CD 17. I have a 13-day LP, so my next period will be due 2/17.

I'm fresh off early MC #2 in 5 cycles. My OB ran a series of tests, did an internal exam, and ultrasound - nothing, nadda, I'm normal. The ultrasound did, however, show over 20 follicles in my ovaries getting ready (that was a week ago). So I'm really hoping that at least 1 of those little guys does me right this cycle! We shall see.

I'm planning on testing first on Valentine's (my due date with my twins) which will be 11 DPO. I've always gotten BFPs at 9 DPO anyway. It'd be a nice way to celebrate that day :)

GL to all!!"

Via

What the what?

Ok here’s the translation: 

 

 

"Hey, I’m joining the Two Week Wait. I got my first “smiley” (meaning positive) on my Clear Blue digital ovulation predictor kit this afternoon. I’m right on time – cycle day 16. I will ovulate tomorrow, cycle day 17. I have a 13-day luteal phase, so my next period will be due 2/17. 

 

I’m fresh off early miscarriage #2 in 5 cycles. My obstetrician ran a series of tests, did an internal exam, and ultrasound – nothing, nadda, I’m normal. The ultrasound did, however, show over 20 follicles in my ovaries getting ready (that was a week ago). So I'm really hoping that at least 1 of those little guys does me right this cycle! We shall see.

I'm planning on testing first on Valentine's (my due date with my twins) which will be 11 days past ovulation. I've always gotten big fat positives at 9 days past ovulation anyway. It'd be a nice way to celebrate that day :)

Good luck to all!!"

 

Make sense now?

To make things easy for anyone who finds themselves lost in translation, here is a quick list of commonly used abbreviations in the land of baby/pregnancy/infertility message boards:

 

Acronyms	What they mean
AF	Aunt Flo — menstruation/period
AP	attachment parenting
BB or BBS	Internet bulletin board
BBC	BabyCenter
BBL	be back later
BBT	basal body temperature
BC	because, or birth control, or before children
BCPS	birth control pills
BD	baby dance (sex)
BF	breastfeed, or boyfriend
BFN	big fat negative (pregnancy test)
BFP	big fat positive (pregnancy test)
BIL	brother-in-law
BM	breast milk, or bowel movement
BRB	be right back
BTDT	been there, done that
BTW	by the way
CD	cycle day
CF	cervical fluid
CIO	cry it out
Circ.	circumcise
CM	cervical mucus
CWIM	see what I mean
CS or C/S	cesarean section
DC	daycare, dear child
DD	dear daughter
DF	dear fiancee
DH	dear husband
DP	dear partner
DPO	days past ovulation
DS	dear son
DSD	dear stepdaughter
DSS	dear stepson
DTD	do the deed
DW	dear wife
EBF	extended breastfeeding, exclusively breastfeeding
EBM	expressed breast milk
EDD	estimated due date, or expected date of delivery
EWCM	egg white cervical mucus
FF	formula feeding
FIL	father-in-law
FT	full time
FTM	first time mom
FTR	for the record
FWIW	for what it's worth
FYI	for your information
HPT	home pregnancy test
HTH	hope this helps
IC	incompetent cervix
IMHO	in my humble opinion
IMO	in my opinion
IRL	in real life
ITA	I totally agree
IUI	intrauterine insemination
IVF	in vitro fertilization
JJ or J/J	just joking
JK or J/K	just kidding
JMHO	just my humble opinion, or just my honest opinion
KWIM	know what I mean
L&D	labor and delivery
LO	little one
LOL	laughing out loud
LP	luteal phase
MC or M/C	miscarriage
MIL	mother-in-law
ML	maternity leave
MM	mother's milk
MYOB	mind your own business
NMS	not my style
NMSAA	not my style at all
NP	no problem
O	ovulation
O'd	ovulated
OMG	oh my gosh, or oh my god
OP	original poster
OPK	ovulation predictor kit
OT	off topic
PG	pregnant, or pregnancy
POAS	pee on a stick (i.e. pregnancy test)
PP	previous poster
PPD	postpartum depression
RE	reproductive endocrinologist
ROFL	rolling on floor laughing
SAHD	stay-at-home dad
SAHM	stay-at-home mom
SAHP	stay-at-home parent
SD	sperm donor
SIL	sister-in-law
SO	significant other
TCOYF	Taking Charge of Your Fertility, by Toni Weschler
TIA	thanks in advance
TMI	too much information
TTC	trying to conceive
US or U/S	ultrasound
VBAC	vaginal birth after cesarean section
WAH	work at home
WOH	work out of the home

Hope this helps anyone lost in the jungle of baby message board abbreviations!

xo, Vicky