Roadblock

Well our journey to being a family of four hit yet another roadblock this past weekend. On Saturday I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. According to my calculations I was about four weeks pregnant. Simon was so happy but I was hesitant to get excited. I knew that this wasn’t necessarily a sure thing given that we lost our last two pregnancies, but I was reassured by the pregnancy symptoms I was feeling. I had the tender boobs, the nausea, the headaches and the backache. With my last two pregnancies I didn’t have any symptoms at all so I was hopeful these were a sign that things were different this time. On Sunday I had really strong back pain on my left side and some occasional cramping. I tried to brush it off as normal but I think in the back of my mind I knew that something was wrong. The pain continued on Monday; so much so that I bought some heat pads to help with the pain. On Tuesday I was home with Quinn because her caregiver was sick. We had a great morning playing together but when I brought her up for her nap I felt a trickle ‘down there’. I immediately knew what was happening. I knew I was miscarrying again and three miscarriages in a row definitely means something is wrong.

 

Simon and I went to see my doctor yesterday. You remember I told you about her? Well, she and her office assistants fucked up again in my opinion. Pardon my language. When I’m standing in the waiting room with other patients sitting around I don’t want to be hit with “sorry for your loss”. Um, thanks? Do you think maybe I can just make a follow-up appointment? WTF? Maybe I’m being too harsh. Maybe I’m just looking for someone to blame; someone to vent my anger and frustrations on. Or maybe they can learn to use a little discretion? My doctor was no better. “Well at least you can get pregnant. You just can’t stay pregnant. You know some people would give anything to be pregnant for even an hour.” Seriously? I get that I’m lucky to have had Quinn. I completely agree. But when I have lost three pregnancies and am obviously upset and scared, how dare you say that. Would those women really want to be pregnant and miscarry? Probably fucking not.

 

I left the appointment with a handful of requisition forms for blood work, a follow-up appointment for a full physical, an appointment for an ultrasound to confirm I miscarried again and a referral to a fertility clinic.

 

I won’t lie. I’m scared. I’m scared of the unknown. I’m scared I may never have another baby. I’m scared I might be sick. I’m scared of how this will affect my relationship with my hubby. I’m scared that Quinn might not have a sibling. Bottom line – I’m scared shitless. But I am also hopeful. I’m hopeful that I will now be dealing with more compassionate and knowledgeable people at the fertility clinic. I’m hopeful they might figure out what is going on inside me and hopeful they can help us.

I suppose only time will tell.

On the bright side I can now have that glass of wine I’ve been wishing for and boy do I ever need it!

xo, Vicky

Delicious - Quinoa Tabbouleh

 

Quinoa is the new big thing these days but I will confess that for the most part I don't really like it. This recipe is the exception. I could eat it everyday.

 

Quinoa Tabbouleh

 

3/4 cup of water (or chicken stock for more flavour)

1/2 cup quinoa

1 cup chopped parsley

1/4 cup chopped mint

3 green onions sliced

handful of grape/cherry tomatoes quartered

1/4 cup of crumbled feta cheese

3 tbsp lemon juice (fresh is WAY better)

2 tbsp olive oil

salt and pepper to taste

 

1) Bring water (or stock) to boil and add in quinoa. Turn down heat to low and leave it until all the water is gone (around 15-18 minutes).

 

2) While the quinoa is cooking, chop the parsley, mint, green onions and tomatoes and add those to a medium sized bowl.

 

3) In small bowl, mix lemon juice, oil and salt and pepper. Set aside.

 

4) Once quinoa is cooked allow it to cool completely. I usually spread it on a plate and throw it in the fridge for 10 minutes or so.

 

5) When the quinoa is cooled mix everything together and enjoy!

 

 

Seriously, this recipe couldn't be easier and it is SO tasty.

 

xo, Vicky

Little Spoon

It seems Quinn learns something new everyday. 

Her most recent accomplishment = using a spoon. 

xo, Vicky

Thump Day

 

You know, Wednesday 'Hump Day' but with a T for Thursday?

Not cool, I know.

 

I have nothing to really talk about so instead I made a list:

 

1) I'm watching Downton Abbey. I'm on Season One Episode 5. I still don't know if I like it.

 

2) So I might not have mentioned this yet, but I got a headboard from Simon for Christmas. A DIY one! Well we finally bought the fabric for it. We plan on adding silver nailhead trim along the edge too. I'm awfully excited for the final product!

 

 

3) I bought a new dress for my friend's upcoming wedding reception. Finding a nice winter-appropriate dress is flipping hard! I plan on pairing it with black tights and shoes.

 

via

 

4) I'm reading The Light Between Oceans by M.L. Stedman. After reading Enclave, Outpost, Divergent and Insurgest this one is hard to get into but I'm sticking to it.

 

 

5) Last but not least, this made me laugh a little too much 

 

 

xo, Vicky

Doula, Doula, Boboula

Banana Fanana Fofoula Me Mi Momoula

DOULA!

 

Say what now?

You heard me, I said Doula.

 

For any of my pregnant, thinking-about getting-pregnant, might-get-pregnant-one-day friends, this post is for you!

 

Let me ask you a few questions first.

 

1) Does your partner, boyfriend, husband, significant-other know what to do during childbirth? I mean really know what to do when you are in throws of crazy, mind-consuming pain?

 

2) Is your partner skweemish when it comes to blood, bodily fluids and poop?

 

3) Are you worried about getting the crabby, hates-her-life nurse who gets kicks out of stabbing you multiple times with the iv needle?

 

Well, I just might have a solution for you.
 

She's a wonderful, angelic-like creature known as doula who's sole job is to make you feel comfortable, informed and focused during childbirth.

Let me elaborate...

DONA International (the peeps who certify doulas) describe a birth doula as the following:

"A trained and experienced professional who provides continuous physical, emotional and informational support to the mother before, during and just after birth; or who provides emotional and practical support during the postpartum period.

A Birth Doula:
 

- Recognizes birth as a key experience the mother will remember all her life

- Understands the physiology of birth and the emotional needs of a woman in labor

- Assists the woman in preparing for and carrying out her plans for birth

- Stays with the woman throughout the labor

- Provides emotional support, physical comfort measures and an objective viewpoint, as well as helping the woman get the information she needs to make informed decision

- Facilitates communication between the laboring woman, her partner and her clinical care providers

- Perceives her role as nurturing and protecting the woman's memory of the birth experience

- Allows the woman's partner to participate at his/her comfort level"

So why hire a doula? 

Numerous clinical studies have found that a doula’s presence at birth:
 

- tends to result in shorter labors with fewer complications

- reduces negative feelings about one’s childbirth eperience

- reduces the need for pitocin (a labor-inducing drug), forceps or vacuum extraction and cesareans

- reduces the mother’s request for pain medication and/or epidurals

 

But more than the clinical reasons are the emotional reasons.

 

Some women like to have their mothers or other family members present during childbirth. To that I say 'to each their own'.

 I know my mother would have loved to be there but at the same time I think it would have been really hard on her to see me in pain. I know her well enough to know that she would have been stressed and anxious and those feelings would no doubt have passed on to me. Childbirth, especially when its your first rodeo is stressful enough as it is. I just wanted her to see the happy ending and not all the drama in between but at the same time I also wanted someone present who has been there before to comfort and support me.

 

 Enter the doula.

 

Here are my personal reasons for suggesting a doula:

 

1) She's a complete stranger. No need to worry about modesty. Trust me, when you are in the thick of labour you aren't worried about who sees your lady-bits but if your mom and dad are there you might regret it later? I remember I packed my nursing bra and decent full-bum undies to wear during labour but once those contractions hit me I was only comfortable being buck-naked.

 

2) She knows what she's doing. Chances are you and your significant other don't, especially if its your first baby. She can suggest different positions, see the signs of labour progressing and suggest what to do next, and be your advocate when it comes to making hard decisions. Registered doulas have to have been present at a certain number of births to become certified. Those who have been in the field long enough have seen it all. Having someone there who was a calm, supportive and knowledgeable presence made all the difference to me and for Simon.

 

3) She is always there. If you are counting on having a nurse support you through the whole thing, think again. Nurses sometimes have other women on their watch or an emergency comes up and you are left to fend for yourself. I was in labour for over twelve hours and she was there every step of the way. She even stuck around for an hour or two after to help me with breastfeeding.

4) Her sole job is to make you as comfortable as possible! Doctors and nurses are focused on the medical side of things, your partner is focused on the excitement of the baby they are soon to have and you are focused on not dying of pain. The doula is there to make you feel in control when things seem helpless, calm when things are chaotic and loved when you are screaming bloody murder.

So to all my preggo buddies and inquisitive friends I dedicate this one to you.
This may not be the option for everyone but it should definitely be something you should consider. Most of us will only go through childbirth a handful of times so why not try to make the whole experience as comfortable as possible?

To my friends in Ottawa thinking of hiring a doula, I highly suggest Victoria Kellett. I felt comfortable with her the moment I met her and I can't even explain how wonderful she was.
She met with us twice before the birth, stayed with us the entire birthing process, staying a few hours after birth to help me with breastfeeding, checked in on us later in the week to see if we needed help and wrote us a lovely birth story.

xo, Vicky
 

Cloth Diapers

While pregnant with Quinn, Simon and I were told about the wonders of cloth diapers from Simon’s cousin so we decided to do some research. We scoured the internet and read just about every review of every product, and in the end we decided to give cloth diapering a try. 

After using them for 15 months, here is my honest review of cloth diapers:

Pros

- They are safer (no chemicals or absorbent agents)
- They are WAY cuter that disposables
- Cloth diaper kids ‘apparently’ potty train sooner than disposable diaper kids
- Less diaper rash
- They are cheaper in the long run
- No running to the store for diapers
- Less diapers in the landfill

 Cons

- More money up front
- More laundry
- More handling of baby poo
- You have to carry around dirty diapers when you are out and about
- They are bulkier than disposables

 

I’m not going to lie; they are more work than disposables. They are more money up front. They require cleaning. They require lugging around more stuff (wetbag, extra liners, and extra covers). You may have to touch poop. They make your baby’s butt look HUGE (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing). But while cloth diapers have their cons, I still believe their benefits outweigh the negatives. I cannot yet attest to the ‘potty training early’ statement, but I’ll report back when Quinn shows serious signs of wanting to start potty training. 

I'm going to be honest. As wonderful as cloth diapers are, we do use disposables some of the time. At night we use overnight disposable diapers because we found she was peeing a lot. Like A LOT a lot. And since Simon and I would like to sleep through the night (as would Quinn), we opted to use the disposables to keep everyone happy. We also use disposables if we are heading out somewhere for a long stretch of time or travelling.

When we started researching cloth diapers it would be an understatement if I said we were overwhelmed. There are SO many options on the market from pocket to All-In-One (AIO) to bamboo and hemp that it was a confusing process to choose what was right for us. I’m not going to go into each type because frankly I am no expert on the subject. There are plenty of blogs on the internet that explain your options so today I’ll just talk about what we used and how we used them.

 

In the end we chose ‘prefolds’ which consist of thick pieces of cotton that you line in waterproof covers or shells. With the prefolds option you can reuse the cover/shell and simply change out the liner when the baby does his/her business. We thought this was probably the most economical option as we wouldn’t have to buy as many diapers. To start off we bought 7 covers and two packs of Bummis Organic Prefold Inserts. Over time we bought a few more so I think now we are up to 12 covers. 
 

Three week old Miss Quinn in her new diaper

With cloth diapers you need somewhere to throw the dirty diapers and liners. You can use a diaper pail but trust me when I say the diapers get SMELLY so the easiest option is to purchase a wetbag. When it’s full enough to justify a load of laundry you simple turn the bag inside out into the wash and throw it all in – bag and all. We bought 2 medium wetbags for home use and 1 small travel wetbag.

Here’s our (partial) arsenal of cloth diapers:

 

We chose the brand Fuzzibunz for the covers and Bummis for the liners and have been very happy with our decision, granted we have nothing to compare them to.

 

I bet you are wondering how we clean these bad boys..

It was the number one question I had when looking into cloth diapers.

Do I need to touch poop? Do I need to rinse them?

etc.etc.etc.

 

Its really quite easy but this is just the way WE do it, not necessarily how we SHOULD do it.

 

 1) Throw dirty liner / cover in wetbag

 

2) If there is solid poop we flick that into the toilet

 

NOTE: We use flushable liners that we put on top of the cloth liner. When she poops we just take the liner and throw that in the toilet. Makes 'messy' poops a lot easier to get off.

 

3) When the wetbag fills up, the bag gets turned inside out in the wash including the contents

 

4) We add a half scoop of Country Save detergent
 

5) Turn the washer to 'Deep Clean' cycle

 

6) When the washer has done its job we throw the liners into the dryer on the 'Extra Dry' cycle and hang the covers to air dry on a laundry stand.
 

7) Repeat as necessary

 

Again, there are certainly better instructions out there on the internet but this system has been working for us so we are just going to keep at it. Sometimes when the liners start to look really stained I'll put them in sun but otherwise that is all we do.

The honest to goodness truth.

 

 Well I think that's all I can say about cloth diapers because the bottom line is that diapering, along with every other parenting decision, is a personal choice. I’m glad we chose to use cloth diapers, but I completely understand why people use disposables.

Whatever works for you is the best option.

Whether it be cloth, disposable or like us, both,  they all do the job.

 

xo, Vicky

 

Nothing worth having comes easy...

Blissfully unaware.

That was me two years ago when we starting trying for a baby. We 'did it', got on with our lives and one day I decided to take a test. POSITIVE. We were so happy and are now completely in love with our little girl. So in love that at the end of the summer we started trying for a new little member to add to our family. Fast forward to present day and here I sit completely frustrated, upset and envious. Frustrated because the first time around it seemed so easy and this time it isn't. Upset because month after month I have either miscarried or just not gotten pregnant. And envious because it seems like everyone I know is pregnant. Even stupid Kim Kardashian.
 

I miscarried early (around 4 weeks along) in both September and October. We held back in November so my cycle could regulate. December was a wasted month and now I sit and wait for the end of this month to find out if I'm pregnant. I've taken - no joke - 6 pregnancy tests in the past week. Each one gave me hope that I just might see a plus sign but each one just brings me more frustration and saddness.

 

My doctor has been pretty useless during this whole shitshow. No information, no additional testing, nothing. She had her receptionist call to tell I miscarried both times. She couldn't even pick up the phone to tell me. What if I had questions or needed some guidance? Oh right, because she doesn't get paid unless I make an appointment. Simon brought Quinn in for her 15 month checkup the other day and the receptionist was asking how I was doing with my pregnancy. She didn't even fucking remember she called me to tell me I miscarried. What kind of circus are they running over there?
 

Oh and the ultrasound technicians need a smack too. How about you read my file before happily coming into the room asking about how I'm feeling. How about you read the part of my file that tells you this visit is to see if I've miscarried everything and don't need a d/c procedure.

Bottom line - getting pregnant is frigging hard.
 It is completely mind consuming.
Do my boobs hurt for real or have I been groping them to check too much?
Am I feeling nausous or was that just the shawarma I just ate?
Do I have super human smell or is something legitimately rotting in the garbage?
TORTURE.

They say that positive thoughts bring positive outcomes but it is so fucking hard to stay positive when month after month is a disappointment. I should be glad that I was able to have one baby. I am. But it doesn't make the sting of a miscarriage any less harsh.

 

 I guess I'll just have to wait...

I just wish I could have a glass of wine or ten while I do.

xo, Vicky

A little bit of both

Some kids look just like one parent.

Some kids are a mix of both.

I believe Quinn falls under the 'mix' category, but I'll let you decide for yourself.

  

Top left - Yours truly as a little bambina
Bottom left - Little barebumed Simon
Right - Little Miss Quinn

Man, I love that kid.

xo,Vicky

Veggies, Veggies, Veggies

Our vegetables arrived yesterday!

 

You are looking at the most expensive counter of vegetables.

 

For $50 we got:

 

1 head of broccoli

1 yellow squash

1 parsnip

1 sweet potato

1 red pepper

1 onion

1 head of romaine lettuce

1 bag of carrots

1 bag of mushrooms

1 bunch of swiss chard

1 bag of mixed lettuce

1 container of crushed tomatoes

2 potatoes

2 bags of micro greens

 

I was initally very excited to hear the doorbell ring and see my doorstep full of fresh veggies, but that quickly changed to doubt and worry.

What the heck was I going to make for dinner?

I had no plan.

Let's be honest, I have no idea how to cook with chard or parsnip.

 

After some google searching I found a recipe for

 Potato and Chard Hash with Sunny Side Up Eggs.

 

I was very skeptical about the chard but it was delicious!

This recipe will be added to our family recipe collection fo sho.

 

 

For lunch today I'm having leftover hash plus a salad of mixed lettuce, micro greens and mushrooms.

Yes, mushrooms.

 I've decided that 2013 is the year I will start to like mushrooms.

Go fungus!

 

xo, Vicky

 

Adrenaline Junkie

This kid loves a thrill.

No, not Simon.

Quinn.

Quote from Simon:

"You know those nightmares when you wake up thinking you are falling?

Quinn loves them."

xo, Vicky

Our Little Rock Star

Quinn begs to go down to the basement every day to play the drums.

With all that practice she's gotten pretty good.

 

 

xo, Vicky

Conquering my resolutions - Food

Since I declared my resolutions for all to see on here I'm feeling particularly motivated to make real changes this year. One of my biggest priorities is food. Now that Quinn is eating us out of house and home, I want to make sure she's eating the best there is. I also want to teach her the value of eating right; not just for her own well being but for the well being of the environment. That is why I'm putting my foot down and changing the way we eat from now on.

via

My first mission was to look into local, ethically raised meats. I signed up for the PETA newsletter a year ago and have learned so much about factory farming practices in North America. It is absolutely horrific. The factory farming/meat industry has done a good job of keeping average people in the dark about what they do which is why I believe our society has gotten to this point. When you buy meat at the grocery store you don't think about the animal it came from. If you knew the meat you are about to eat is from a tortured, malnourished and probably sick animal you might think twice about eating it. Some might argue there is no 'humane' way of eating meat. I get that. If you are vegetarian or vegan than good on ya! I just don't think I'm ready to make that change yet. What am I willing to do is buy meat from a local organic farm. The kind of farm where farmers actually value their livestock and don't abuse them. The kind of farm where animals can graze and be outside, not locked in pens with thousands of others.

Simon and I had previously done research on this and found a very good butcher not far from our home. They only source local, ethically produced meats and as a bonus they are super friendly people. If you are in the Ottawa area and are looking for tasty, local meats we highly suggest popping into The Manotick Village Butcher. They have both fresh and frozen meats and offer 'freezer boxes' with a selection of different frozen meats and cuts. We normally buy a small or medium box which tends to last around a month. While the cost of local meat is higher than grocery-store meat it is much better to eat less of a good thing than lots of a bad thing.

My next mission was to find local, organic fruits and vegetables. The Ottawa/Gatineau area is surrounded by hundreds of acres of farm land so there were many options. Its funny that I never considered buying food anywhere other than a grocery store. We have fruits and vegetables shipped to Canada from other countries when we have those same fruits and vegetables being grown basically right on our doorstep. Ridiculous!  

The benefits of eating organic fruits and vegetables are pretty substantial. No pesticides on food = no pesticides in your body = reduced risk of cancers, allergies, mental health disorders, etc. BUT, while going organic is great for your body, the same can't be said for your wallet. Organic food IS more expensive; sometimes a LOT more expensive than their pesticide covered buddies but I have decided to make the food we eat a priority so I pay the extra moolah. If you can't justify paying more you should at least consider going organic with the 'Dirty Dozen':

1) Apples

2) Celery

3) Strawberries

4) Peaches

5) Spinach

6) Nectarines

7) Grapes

8) Peppers

9) Potatoes

10) Blueberries

11) Lettuce

12) Kale

According to the Environmental Working Group's annual report, if you go organic with those twelve foods you can reduce pesticide exposure by 80%. Definitely something to consider.

My hunt for local, organic fruits and veggies turned up LOTS of options, but I ended up finding a local farm that offers weekly delivery. Yes, DELIVERY! That means I won't have to begrudingly go to the grocery store every week. YAY! They will send me a basket of mixed vegetables, lettuces and herbs every week. Some of the vegetables will be new to us, but I'm looking forward to trying out new recipes and flavours. 

Well, that was the easy part. The hard part will be sticking to this new, healthy lifestyle. 

Happy Weekend! 

xo, Vicky

Whoa, whoa, whoa

This is good...
xo, Vicky

Smell ya later 2012. Why hello there 2013!

 

HAPPY

NEW YEARS!

 

Quinn and I rang in the new year close to home with some dear friends and lots of yummy food while Simon partied hard with friends farther away.

 

My New Years Date

 

My New Years Kiss xo

 

Resolutions for 2013?

Ughh if I have to:

 

1) Eat healthier, non-processed foods

2) NEVER buy meat in stores - only from local farms

3) Continue to reduce meat intake

4) Research, find and use cruelty-free cosmetics and cleaners

5) Try to do yoga at least once a week

6) Read at least 25 books (5 have to be 'classics')

7) Have a 'date' night once every two weeks

8) Pay down a good chunk of debt

9) Travel somewhere, ANYWHERE

10) Learn how to take decent pictures with my DSLR and use Photoshop

 

Bam.

I'm already feeling overwhelmed by this list. Wahhh.

Let's see how many of these I can accomplish.

 

xo, Vicky